Marriage is one of the most significant events that each of us has or ever will experience in our lives. When focusing our lens even closer onto South Asian families, such a life-changing event can have a noticeable impact not only on each family, but also on the bride and groom. A tremendous amount of transitioning is inevitable for the bride and groom, particularly for the South Asian bride. Both the bride and groom will make many emotional, physical, and financial adjustments in their new lives, but the bride continues to be bombarded with more stress because of the transitioning and balancing of traditional and western expectations.
First and second generations of South Asians are continually faced with many inter-generational and cultural challenges that make this journey even more complex than meets the eye. Regardless of cultural or religious belief, the institution of marriage has greatly affected and influenced women. But based on traditional values, roles, and beliefs, the married South Asian woman’s status evolves as her status in the community is usually elevated.
Aspects of the marriage process; from searching for the potential mate to family (and partner) introductions are changing, but in traditional Indian families this process continues to focus on the uniting of two families rather than of the individuals themselves.
In a traditional family, whether it is an ‘arranged marriage’ or an ‘arranged introduction,’ if parents are choosing their ‘child’s’ future partner, there are many potential conflicts and decisions that are often made without knowing or understanding the needs and fulfillments that newlyweds require in order to successfully adjust and prosper. Moreover, the myriad of struggles that are faced by the bride-to-be continues to be misunderstood.
In these families, the bride is expected to move from her family and comfort zone and to her husband’s family and dwellings. This is a change that is continually taken for granted and least understood. Although it might be a financially viable arrangement, we tend to neglect just how emotionally stressful this transition is for the bride. Indeed, there is an adjustment required from the groom and his family, but it is much less stressful in comparison to the new family member. She must adjust to a different family dynamic along with all the other changes in her life.
In doing so, the bride must now undergo many struggles. In fact, this is one of the most critical times in her life during which she is most vulnerable to emotional and mental distress leading to mental health issues. Research confirms that this is the most prevalent time in her life when she will seek outside support from counsellors.
Many conflicts may lead to anxiety, grief, loss, trauma, crisis, and adjustment disorders. But when these issues are coupled with anger, depression, and social isolation, they become even more complex, misunderstood and often misdiagnosed. If not effectively prevented from the beginning, more serious experiences such as: self-harm, suicide, domestic violence, and divorce are likely to follow.
An increasing number of South Asian professionals who have experienced these inter-generational and cultural struggles themselves are effectively supporting women and couples during these times. South Asian women are gradually starting to receive preventative and compassionate support, now more than ever before. But our communities are only beginning to understand how exciting yet potentially stressful this life-changing time is for brides-to-be.
So what can each couple (especially the bride) do to overcome these hurdles to a peaceful marriage? Our aim is to make the transition between being single, to the marriage itself as easy as possible and to work towards a thriving union. There are several steps that each couple can take to keep a marriage happy, peaceful, and long-lasting: